17th May: Hook Fun Run

Today saw the annual village fun-run once more here in Hook with a record 1200 entrants participating over the 3 distances: 2.5 miles, 6 miles and 10 miles.

I had arranged to run the 2.5 mile course again with my eldest daughter, although I had warned her in advance that I would once more be donning the ostrich costume to run with her.

In September she goes off to ‘big school’ so I figured that this will be my only chance to run in costume with her as from next year she would be way too embarrassed to be seen anywhere near me dressed like that.

We wandered off to the start to arrive in plenty of time and to cheer-off the other runners. It seemed we were walking kind of together with me a few steps ahead of my daughter who was already questioning my sartorial choice and regretting the fact she was with me in that get-up.

Posing for the organiser's photo.

After saying hello to a few people I recognised I was collared by one of the organisers to get a photo of me in the costume and my daughter was asked to pose with me - which she declined (oh dear, I thought, she may not be in a good mood now).

Off go the 10 milers, with neighbour Pini in centre shot.

The start of the 6 mile race.

After seeing the herd gallop away in the 6 and 10 mile races we made our way to the starting corral and awaited the off under the sunny skies, my daughter now looking even less amused and even attempting to lose herself in the crowd rather than being seen dead with me.

An ostrich eye view of an unimpressed daughter.

After the obligatory countdown we were off and running. Starting near the back it was difficult to try and pick our way through the crowds of people over the first quarter of a mile, but as the masses began to thin out we were soon able to find a rhythm at the pace of my daughter.

Circling the village we were cheered and clapped-on as a group by most of the residents who had taken their time to line the streets and encourage us. In the calendar of the village there are two events that gets everyone out and about: the ‘Christmas Cracker’ - our village winter festival street-party, and this here fun-run with the enthusiasm not failing to disappoint once more.

Weather wise the last month has not lived up to expectations, being fairly chilly and a dearth of sunshine so far but today was the first day with proper heat and gorgeous sunshine. This was catching-out plenty of people as most participants had not been able to acclimatise to running in the sun once more, so there were plenty of thirsty sorts when we got to the water station at half way. My daughter had already mentioned about pouring cold water over her head when she got there to cool down, which she did so and as we ran off I duly obliged by pouring some more over her head, which caught her by surprise and sped her up whilst she had a go at me for surprising her like that!

It seemed like no time at all before we had finished our loop of the village and were returning to the start/ finish in the junior school. As we rounded the corner to sight the finish line my daughter did her usual trick of sprinting for it… Running nearly at full-pelt to catch her, we both made it across at the same time, overtaking ‘Where’s Wally’ in the process which would have made someone a good photo!

Cooling-down after the race.

Hanging around after the race I waited for the first of the runners in the 6 and 10 mile races to finish, with my neighbour Pini finishing in 6th position in the 10 mile race recording a personal best for the course.

Some fellow finishers

I was also able to see some of the other costumed runners finish the races, with a man in full gorilla suit including the mask, a Gruffalo, the Flash and Iron Man crossing the line… Its good when people don’t take things too seriously, especially the 2.5 mile race as it is a ‘fun run’ after all.

Post-race posing with Pini.

Eat pies.
Drink beer.
Run far.

28th December: Gut Busting an Ostrich

Today was my hat-trick of Winter Gut Busters. For this and the last two years on the Sunday after Christmas I have hooned around for 10 miles over the fields and trails around Silchester to earn a cup of mulled wine, a mince pie and a medal. This race also has the shorter option of a 5 mile route, but in the interests of physical stupidity I have gone with the longer distance as per my norm!

Like yesterday’s Brutal I was running in the ostrich costume, but unlike yesterday, which was just cold, today was absolute brass-monkey and I was glad of the extra warmth that the costume would be giving me!

This year I had been organised enough to book my place early and get a parking spot on-site, so I did not have to worry about transporting my costume on the complimentary bus transfer from the overflow parking several miles away.

Last year and this, the country roads on the way to the race were very icy and for the second year running I lost the van on some black-ice, regaining control of it before crashing, although not as spectacular as doing a 180 in the middle of the road as I did last year!.. and on both occasions I was well within the speed limit, so it goes to show you cannot be too careful!

All parked and changed I huddled in with everybody else to try and keep warm with the sun still too low to shine over the farm buildings and give us any warmth, as we listened to the safety briefing - with a few amused and plenty of scornful looks at my get-up from fellow runners… If anything those running today were more po-faced than those at yesterday’s Brutal, with lots of people in running club vests and expensive kit ready to go and ‘own’ the 10 miles in front of them so as to not waste all the training and fore-going of quality Christmas fodder and booze.

The Gut Buster course is an undulating mix of country lanes and fields - muddy fields to be precise, as well as the delights of running around the walls of one side of the ancient Roman town of Silchester, before cutting through the middle of it. Because the terrain is relatively flat, with only a few hills that are mercifully short and not too steep, the pace is quite quick and unrelenting and it is completely different to the 10 miles I ran yesterday as there is no continual changing of pace as you move from ascending to descending and back again rapidly or stand catching your breath in a queue to get in to a large wading section… That said there is one water hazard here on the Gut Buster and you encounter that after around the first mile as you run through a ford that is only about ankle deep, so certainly no challenge to get through!

After the briefing we were shepherded around the corner to await the start and following the mercifully short wait the countdown was over and off we went, both races setting off at the same time, with nobody having a clue who is running which distance so gauging your pace against those around you proves to be difficult.

As I ran along, passing some slower runners and in turn being passed by faster ones as we all found our positions in the pack I was getting a mix of comments over my attire, splitting opinion, those people who did pass pleasantry’s with me rather than harrumphing their disapproval found it inspirational for themselves, as they were damned sure they were going to try their hardest not to have been beaten to the finish by a man dressed as an ostrich!

The road sections over the first half of the course were very treacherous through the ice on the ground. With having trail shoes on my feet, like most other people, grip was at a premium as you have very little surface area of your foot in contact with the icy tarmac, so most people were attempting to run as much on the very narrow grass verges as possible, with everyone looking out for each other with shouts of ‘ice’ whenever we cam close to frozen puddles or stretches of black ice.

Through the ford and we were soon climbing up the hill towards Silchester and the section around the roman town. The sun was now rising to its near zenith and sending some warmth down from the cloudless sky to melt the ice, transforming the previously hard ground to squidgy mud, which doubled the fun as soon as we hit the field section the other side of the ruins! As we crossed the fields I could hear the serenade of gunfire from people out shooting pheasants relatively close-by, so I commented to people as to whether it really was wise to be dressed as a bird whilst there were trigger-happy men with shotguns prowling around looking to shoot at anything large and with wings!

On this second half of the run I found myself keeping a similar pace to a lady called Ruth who was sporting a ‘Grim’ t-shirt from earlier this month, so I had asked how it was to find out if the course had changed since I ran it… Over the course of the next couple of miles that we ran together, it turned out she is in training for the Paris marathon later next year. She also had her family along to cheer her at certain points, so she was looking forward to seeing their smiling faces later on.

Running with Ruth

About a couple of miles from the finish, a fair few of us took advantage of one of the water stops. Whilst we were taking a drink, a local drove-up and started to angrily berate us for being out there making a mess and instructed us to pick up all the used cups and do it NOW! It was true that some cups had been discarded a little down the road, but those running the water stop would be doing a litter sweep to get rid of them during and after the event, but the old-boy in his car was just in a bah-humbug kind of mood so us runners just did our best to ignore him and carry on with what we were doing.

Soon enough we were heading across the final fields towards the finish. The last mile or so is a right slog, a continual slight ascent through the muddy fields as you think the end is never going to come, but eventually it does and I made it across the line in a slower time than last year, placing 267/313, and I eagerly took the chance for the glass of mulled wine and a couple of mince pies.

'Flying' across the finish line.

Ah well, this was the last run for the year for me as I’m back in the saddle tomorrow to carry on with the Festive 500 challenge that I set myself to achieve.

What I have concluded having run the last 2 days whilst dressed as an ostrich:

Surprise surprise, running with a costume does slow you down, as the bulk around you tends to make a smooth flowing running style difficult to achieve (not that my normal style is in any way smooth or flowing), plus you do become aware of rubbing in certain areas and you do heat-up more than normal, so its certainly not something to be running in when chasing a pb!

Most importantly, lighten-up people! don’t take it so damned seriously, the whole thing about running should be to have a bit of fun as well as challenging yourself in getting out there and doing it - just because some random person puts a costume on to run in, does it really ruin your race or spoil the experience for you?

Eat pies.
Drink beer.
Run far.

27th December: Brutalising an Ostrich

This Saturday, the one betwixt Christmas and New Year was day 1 of my trail running double header... The Brutal 16k. Normally the Brutal runs are 10k in length, but as a special Christmas gift to us all they give us a bonus distance of 16k: 2 laps of this year's course down at Longmoor Camp, although the less (fool)hardy out there were able to opt for the single lap and a mere 8k of mud, sweat, hills and ditch-water.

I thought I would have a bit of fun with this and tomorrow's Gut Buster and run it in fancy dress. Having appeared as one of the Blues Brothers last year I decided to ramp-up the difficulty for myself and complete this Christmas’s tomfoolery dressed as an ostrich... Yes, an ostrich.

With me doing this, LSS had to come down to watch me run, just for novelty value of seeing me dressed as an ostrich more than anything else, so the 2 of us made the short drive down to the event base on the edge of the Longmoor army camp just bordering the A3 south of Bordon.

The obligatory pristine 'before' pic.

Purposely missing-out the warm-up I took my place towards the back of the starting pack, my costume already intriguing dogs and amusing some of the smaller children gathered to wave-off their mums and dads... And as soon as I was in the pack we were off onto the trail.

We ran so fast from the start that it was all a blur :)

I managed to pick my way through the pack, with mixed views from my fellow competitors: some loving the fact that an ostrich was steaming past them, others muttering about the crassness of it and how it ‘demeaned’ the whole event - an event that involves running around a military training ground, scrambling up muddy hills and through bogs, ditches and deep puddles getting soaking wet and covered in mud… Yes, a very refined spectacle we all are as we finish, whatever our time. Personally I think some people get upset by the fact this run is a very big deal for them and have been working towards this for a while, foregoing Christmas drinks and eschewing mince-pies to be at their best and run a single lap, only to have some fat fool in fancy dress drift past them and proving perhaps that maybe all the privation of the last week was not necessarily worth it and they could have enjoyed the run without enduring cutting back on the festive cheer!

Emerging from the woodland after the start stretch we found ourselves in the first clearing and I began experiencing my first problem of being an ostrich: A saggy crotch… As I was running, the body of the ostrich was falling downwards to the point the crotch of it was now between my knees, so it was almost impossible to run as it was severely restricting the length of my stride, and no amount of holding it up was achieving anything as doing this was making me just as slow, so thinking on the hoof, or on the wing in this case I figured a quick fix and stopped to enact it… I whipped my top off and crossed the braces over to opposite shoulders before replacing my top, which alleviated the problem and I was able get back to running once more with some sense of purpose and concentrate on getting my footing right rather than adjusting and holding my costume.

Up hill...

...And down dale.

The course crossed short and sharp wet sandy hills and into the next forestry section, complete with some ‘proper’ hills of the punishing variety (that you would expect on a Brutal) and some long deep wading puddles discoloured coloured yellow from the sandy mud beneath.

Descending to the first water trap marshalled by the 'Purple One'.

An ostrich's eye view of the wade ahead.

I waded through the waist deep water with no problem, with it appearing to onlookers that the ostrich was gracefully swimming across. Once out the other side it was back along the woody trail, up and down a few more fiendishly sharp hills till I came back close to the start and the smiling LSS with her camera before I was confronted by the first of what can only be described as the total immersions.

Having gone through plenty of these in the past, there’s no point in pussy-footing around trying to get in as daintily as possible, as this only costs you time and doesn’t keep you any drier in the end! So I ploughed on into it and tried to maintain my balance as my feet tried to find the bottom, and to my relief it was only really up to the top of my legs, so scrambling out was no problem… Continuing along the parapet of the ditch for about 20 metres, cheered along the way by the few gathered spectators amused that someone in fancy dress was gamely running the course, I turned to re-cross the ditch, so following my tactics I did the same and did a full-blooded leap in to the water below, only to initially find my feet were not touching the bottom and I fully submerged, almost having to swim a couple of strokes to make the other side of the ditch… And then the fun started.

I had made a SEVERE miscalculation about the costume in how well it absorbed water. Tying to get out of the water and back on to dry land, I discovered as my legs now had to bear all the weight of the water the costume had soaked up, it was at least another 25 kilos heavier than before, and this weight was pulling me -off balance back in to the water… It took all my might to haul myself up out the water and to the top of the parapet where a lot of the freezing water now poured-out. I decided that attempting to run with all this extra weight was a fool’s errand, so I took some time to wring as much water out of the ostrich’s arse as I possibly could - those spectators there killing themselves with laughter at the sight of me bending over to squeeze some very brown looking water out of a large bird’s bottom that made it look like the bird was having an attack of diarrhoea!

Having wrung-out as much of the water as I could, I continued my merry way around the last couple of miles of this first lap, but I still had the ‘handicap’ of around an extra 10kilos or more of water around me in the costume, so the effort required to drag my sorry arse around the course was considerably more than before and I was struggling to make any pace at all, with plenty of people now passing me. Up and down some more steep woodland hills and some decent slippery mud, the finish line was in sight and through one final knee-deep 10 metre long muddy wade I was in the finishing straight and veered left past it for the second lap as most people veered right to finish their single effort… And believe me I was sorely tempted to veer right and join them, but I managed to dissuade the ‘chimp’ from stopping me and carried-on for the second circuit: buaidh no bas!

Bedraggled at the halfway point... Not sure if the water is from the costume or just puddles.

Starting on this second, and mercifully final, lap it made me realise that the number of people taking this option seemed to be far less than those running just a single lap, so all on my todd I continued on my course, waving to LSS as I went past. Stopping to drink at the aid station, I caught a fellow 2 lapper and ran a bit with him. As we chatted and jogged along we came back on to the sandy hills and a father was there with his toddler who had seen the costume and was chuckling and pointing at it, so I purposely ran over to the lad and moved the head of the ostrich was level with his so he could stroke it, before he got a ‘kiss’ from the ostrich’s beak before running on leaving a very happy chappy behind.

The second lap as you would expect was the same as the first, so I knew exactly what was coming, but I was really fatigued with the carrying of the extra weight, and getting through the double ditch immersion was even harder with tired legs, but continue I did to the finish line, eventually crossing it at a near stagger in a very slow time.

Finally finishing!

Grabbing some complimentary chocolates and a cup of water I met with LSS, the two of us walking back to the van where I promptly changed-out of the cold, wet ostrich and in to something warm whilst taking the chance to reflect upon the experience of running in this get-up in anticipation of tomorrow.

I had second-guessed where chaffage might occur, so had mercifully escaped that, except from a minor amount on my neck where the braces crossed over, which was an adaptation on the fly to how the costume was initially worn. Making this change meant the costume was easy enough to run in and I also found that I did not overheat through wearing it.. Its just in the future I really need to be avoiding water that goes over the top of my legs and in to the ostrich’s body. The legs of the ostrich if anything took the edge off of the wind out there and the elastic trainer stirrups remained in place and undamaged - so all in all I was pretty happy with the performance of the costume on what was quite a work-out for something that is merely made for standing around in at office parties!

The neck of the bird has a wire running through it to help keep its shape, and with the reigns of it around my neck, the head naturally held itself to one side in an almost camelid fashion, which made it pretty easy to not worry about and run with both hands free as you would want to… And another great thing about the costume is it fitted in the washing machine to clean-off and being made of all synthetic fibres, it was pretty much dry by the time it came out of the machine after 2 spins… I put it in the airing cupboard to dry off as best as possible ready for the second leg of my double-header, the Gut Buster.

I have to say a big thanks to LSS for accompanying me to the race and standing around on a cold Saturday morning when there are far, far better things to be doing and most of them involving staying warm, and also for her taking the pics of me - although I do suspect this was partially done for schadenfreude and the amusement value of seeing what on earth I looked like in the costume and how much of a bedraggled muddy mess I would be in at the end ;)

Eat pies.
Drink beer.
Run far.